Remembering Myself if Only for Me: My Earliest Memories

I’ve been worrying a little recently about my memory. I feel like I can barely remember the things that happened yesterday, even though they often have little to no significance. I push my mind a little further back, to college, and high school, and pretty much hit a wall. I don’t remember a lot from my childhood. Just snippets, vignettes, like I’m watching flashback reel at a particularly sad part of a poignant movie.

I remember playing director to my younger sister’s model, taking pictures on a digital camera that’s now lost to me. I remember when I got this mini camcorder, and I loved the heck out of it. The stills came to life and turned into catwalks. I remember feeling really excited to capture the story.

I remember when I learned my family would be moving from Florida to Georgia. I remember feeling devastated because at ten years old I was leaving the friends I thought I’d had for life. I wrote a poem, and I don’t remember most of it, but I do remember it ending “why must the cookie crumble so?” It’s funny now; it wasn’t then. I’m still someone who loves my friends that fiercely.

I remember hopping across the leap frog floaties at a Water Park. Maybe hopping across is generous. I leaped for the first one, determined to make it across because I knew I couldn’t swim; the only way out was over. Instead of my feet making contact with the floating turtle, or fish, or whatever the plastic was decorated with, an image my mind can’t even begin to generate, I felt myself fall into the water. I was drowning. I don’t think people knew. Then I remember being pulled form the water by a man. I couldn’t tell you how he looked except that he was fat and white and was wearing something red. I thought it was a baseball cap, but that doesn’t make sense. Maybe it was his shorts. He saved me, and he didn’t have to, and I think that’s the most important part.

I’m hoping to get better at remembering, even if that means writing a lot more and documenting a lot more, so I have the breadcrumbs to jog my mind. I think it’s important. After all, if anyone is going to remember the things I’ve been through, it’s going to be me.

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