It’s 10:45pm. I’ve my pimple patches (new obsession) on any little bump I can find. I’m writing. I’m making time for it, even if it seeems like I’m barely making time. I’ve missed my Monday updates. I’ve missed talking to myself and figuring out what’s been important to me in the last week (or month as it sometimes goes). I think most of all I’ve missed writing.
On Writing
I want to be a writer. Or I am a writer who writes but not well. Maybe i’m a writer who writes but not accurately. I could also just be a writer who doesn’t feel worth of calling myself by name without anything to show for it.
I like to remind myself though that when I feel bad about my writing that I’ve been doing this a long time. Yes, maybe it waas academic, or notes I felt compelled to write in church, or the words of others I just didn’t want to forget, but I was writing. I’ve been writing; I am writing.
Sometimes, I feel like I may be afraid of my own potential. It’d be a pity to hold me back.
On Money
I have none.
On My New Job
I have one. It’s great. Might just be the best job I’ve had, especially as an adult.
On Creating
It’s hard. I just dream of dedicating time to myself and to my mind. I imagine what she could do if only I gave her the capacity. But sometimes, like now, I’m tired. Fighting sleep or maybe sleep is beating me up I’m not sure. Sometimes, like this weekend, I get distracted. I want to play games or I want to read. I want to do anything but give my mind a chance to stop spinning.
On Money again
I have some. Just enough. Maybe just barely enough, but I know that I don’t know want or hunger. Just a little bit of fear sometimes that I’m doing too much. Then not enough.
On YouTube
I had my first video ever pick up. It’s weird being famous. With that came my first mean comments and unsolicited advice. I feel a little inundated by everyone talking to me especially as someone who said they reply to all their comments. Most of all though, I feel really happy. It’s cool to see my work reaching people. I love getting to hear others’ experiences, and this is such a cool way to do it!
On Reading
I’ve been reading, but I’m slowing down. I’m pretty sure I’ve been reading the same five books for as many months (okay weeks). I was going to say tomorrow, I need to chill out and give myself time to read, but there is so much to be done.
Until next time (and hopefully that is next week),
Briana