One similarity between adult me and child me is that we both have always wanted to do a lot. My mom often used to tell me “You can’t do everything” in an effort to prevent me from overwhelming and overworking myself, but more often than not, I did not heed her warnings, juggling multiple things at a time, and for the most part pulling it off.
When I was a child I remember wanting to do two things: be a chef and be a director. The chef part was earlier, maybe from when I was seven to ten. I think I just knew I liked food, and I wanted to be a part of making and getting to eat food. The director part came later, but not much. I remember “directing” my younger sister’s modeling career. We’d watch America’s Next Top Model together and we each found our roles: my younger sister, the performer, me behind the camera snapping away. I loved being able to make something cool. My digital camera made way for a camcorder, and I turned the stills into video. This time, I was often both in front of and behind the camera, just wanting to make something.
As I got older, the dreams shifted, but the desire to do it all did not. In college, I double majored in Psychology and Cinema and Media Arts with a minor in Corporate Strategy (you can’t do everything unless you find majors that beautifully complement each other). I felt the creativity of my youth fall away and morph a tad bit into practicality. I wanted to be involved with television, but I didn’t feel creative (or good) enough to be a director. I wanted to be the one that put things together and made things happen. I loved making sure all the moving parts, from people’s talents to timelines to cash, fit together and after deciding to be a TV producer, I thought I’d found my place.
It’s a little funny now. I don’t do any of the things I thought I’d do when I was younger, and my dreams are a lot more widespread. I’ve had the thought pass my mind a couple of times that I don’t think I’ll ever have a career; there’s too many things I want to try. Who knows if that’s really true though? Maybe I’ll find something I love to do and dive in deep, but I doubt it. Another thing past Briana and I have in common is that we tend to dream big, and we have a little trouble toning ourselves down. I’m proud of us for that.