Stepping towards Radical Self Love: The Body is Not an Apology Review

Over the past month, The Body is not an Apology has become a mantra of sorts. I’ve thought it when I look in the mirror and see something about myself that I’m not completely happy with. I’ve also thought of it when I’ve looked at others and felt myself begin to pass judgements on anything from their clothes to the way they carried themselves. This book teaches something that the world doesn’t want us to believe. Who we are and the body that we’re in is wonderful and exactly how it’s supposed to be.

I started this book as a read along with a couple of friends. After completing the first chapter, I was happy that I was going to be able to process all the ideas with my friends. It’s is heavy, in that way that self-reflection often needs to be. In the first chapter, we are introduced to the idea of radical self-love. This is not the self-love that we see spouted along with #selfcare, #BeWhoUR, and #bodypositivity. Instead this self-love takes time to examine the systems that have caused us to turn against our own bodies and the bodies of others. Prepare to unpack.

The second chapter wrecked me. It brought me face to face with the feelings of inadequacy I’ve felt in my Black, female body. It also caused me to come to terms with the stories and thoughts that have created feelings of discomfort within my body. I remembered the comments I heard in middle school where people would tell me I was the whitest Black person they’d ever seen. I remembered the embarrassment I felt when my hair was pulled back in a pony tail, and one of the afterschool teachers referred to me as sir. These stories have sat with me and unknowingly shifted the way I viewed myself. Being aware of these things is only step one, but having that awareness is powerful.

At times, reading this book felt like reading a textbook, in the best possible way. Throughout each chapter are “Unapologetic Inquiries” causing you to stop and reflect on what you’ve read. The chapters are set up to help you understand the issues at hand, and my favorite piece, give you actionable steps to walk towards the path of radical self-love. This is not a one and done read. Instead, it works like an instruction manual, reminding you of the work to be done. I will not always be a stunning example of radical self-love, but I will be working internally and in my sphere of influence to make this a world where we can all experience our bodies (and therefore ourselves) as fully whole, fully worthy, fully wonderful, and fully loved.