I missed my first Monday Musing, and I’m sad about it!
I was doing so well, being all consistent, and then one Monday I take a nap instead of going to a coffee shop, and I missed my writing time. Saving money, but at what cost???
On Wednesday, I told myself, no biggie. I’ll write today, and I’ll make it up to myself.
Guess what, dear reader? Today is Friday. I started writing Wednesday (I wrote exactly two words: Wednesday Wonderings) then random little things distracted me.
So here I am again, just a girl in front of her computer trying to wrangle the thoughts leaping around in her brain and tie them up into coherent thoughts. It’s not easy. Sometimes, like that song says, the more I think the less I know. I start a sentence wanting to talk about one thing, and I’m pulled into a rabbit hole of so much else.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about the things I’m not doing. I’m “behind” on my YouTube channel. I haven’t been posting weekly, and I barely have the motivation too. I like making videos and coming up with ideas, but I really don’t like editing. It’s so hard to convince myself to sit in front of the computer and just do it.
I’ve also been neglecting writing, in a sense. In some ways, I’m writing a wealth of things. Each morning, I crack open my mustard notebook and do my morning pages. For a month, I posted my Monday musings, and I’m sitting and writing this too. I should be proud of what I am doing, but I’m mostly stuck on the things I’m not doing. I haven’t touched my NaNo project since (early) December. Part of me just wants to abandon it. The other part just wants to finish so I can say I have. Most of me doesn’t know what to do.
Besides writing and editing, there’s also some other ideas I’ve been really excited about implementing around Shenzhen. I’ve stopped myself because I don’t feel like I’m equipped to be doing them. Who knows where that feeling of inadequacy comes from, but it’s there nipping at me.
I guess what I’m saying is I need a break to focus on my stuff. That’s tough though. The past couple weekends have been go go go, and I can’t fully rest. I need time to recover THEN I can put time into thinking about the things I want to do. I’m stuck in part one.
I will make it happen though. I know that. Here’s to the Silent Book Clubs (and the not so silent), the baking, the open mics, and the return of Briana’s Money coming down the pipeline. I can’t wait to see what I am capable of.