Loving Others How I Want to be Loved | Love is a radical thing

Loving Others How I Want to be Loved

My understanding of love and all it entails has changed drastically over the past couple of years. People assume their definitions of love are the same. After all, it’s love; we know what it is, so we don’t need to define it, but I don’t think that’s the case. My definition of love is a bit cliché, but to me, love is more than just a word; it can only be comprised of action.

Love is one of those feelings that is built up of a million little things and nothing at all. Because of this, love can look and feel different to us. Some of us (I am speaking for myself here) have a warped sense of love; that’s not irreparable. Some of the best advice on love that I’ve heard is to love other people how we want to be loved. That advice brings to mind the verse about loving your neighbor, but it’s not just that. It’s thinking about the ways you want others to love you, and making sure you’re putting that into the world. What does loving someone mean and look like? For me, it’s caring and kindness and trust and vulnerability. Love is built up of so many big ideas folded up into small bursts. I really want to be better at loving on the people in my life, and to be better, I think it’s important to know where you stand.

Making Time

Our time is a valuable resource. I think it is the most valuable thing we have, and therefore, we have to spend it wisely. It’s not always easy to find time for everything we want to do, so we have to prioritize. I make time for my friends. I have weekly to monthly calls with my friends, and during that time, it’s me and them. My mind is on them. It’s not a time to multitask or do other things. It’s some of the time I most look forward to, especially now that I’m on opposite time zones with most of the people I love. I want to be more consistent about making time for people, and i’m learning how to make that happen.

Knowing Each Other

I believe one of our deepest desires as humans is to be known. It’s a scary desire because no one can ever fully know us; I’m not sure if we can even fully know ourselves, but we can still put forth the effort. I often feel moved by my friend’s knowledge of me in the silliest of ways. My favorite is a message with a tik tok or meme accompanied by, “This is you.” Knowing my friends silly little quirks is fun, but I am especially thankful for those that let me know their hearts: their hopes, their dreams, their fears, and what that all entails.

Being Vulnerable

This is one of the hardest parts of loving someone: trusting them. My trust with a lot of people doesn’t go very deep. I am a person who shares a lot (see this website, my old website, my YouTube channel, my instagram). I am a chronic oversharer, but I don’t share anything that really Matters. A lot of it is silly. I’ve learned if you’re only surface level with others, that’s how far the relationship goes. I am vulnerable with those I love. I put my trust in them and my worries and allow them to do the same. It’s not easy, and I won’t say I’m not good at this. I find myself holding back more often than I let go, but I am a work in progress.  

Laughing Together

This one is almost self-explanatory. I’m hilarious, and it’s good to have a good laugh until you cry. Making someone laugh that hard is one of my greatest pleasures, and I’m always happy to provide 😉

(One of my friends would be able to call me out about how I wrote this paragraph right after the vulnerability one to try to hide from those heavy feelings. She’d be right; she knows me well)

Doing Life alongside Each Other

This is getting a bit long, so I’ll end with this way of showing love that’s a little all encompassing. I show love by doing life alongside others. It means supporting them through stressful and hard times. Doing life alongside each other means celebrating the good. It means calling them out when they misstep, but doing it without a mean spirit. There is so much to this life that we have, and it’s so special to have people to love through it all.

There are so many other things I want to mention. I want to talk about how I’m trying to show love how I want to be loved by surprising friends with little gifts and baked goods. By being the type of person that remembers the big exam or the deadline you’re dreading and sending a “Good Luck! I know you’re going to crush this!” I want to talk about how I want to pass by strangers and be able to radiate love onto them, if only for a moment. Love is such a powerful force, and I fear we’ve polluted it, pushing our own toxic ideas onto something that is perfect, and making it fit only the stretch of our imagination. I think love is bigger than that, and I’m chasing it down.

P.S. I think two books, The Body is Not an Apology, and of course, the prolific All About Love have been paramount to shaping my views on what love is, isn’t, and what it can be.